I am TIRED of straight romance stories. Nearly all male love interests are some cold hearted guy who is rude to everyone else but her, super rich and secretly traumatised or met her when they were like 3 and never looked back or they hooked up this one time etc. or all of the above (cough cough Conrad Fisher).

The storylines seem to have forgotten to be compelling: the men make all the mistakes, the women lack agency and the yearning is reduced to grovelling with basically 0 character development. I don't even know if she actually likes him or why he likes her or who either of them even are - loving your wife is nice but it's NOT a personality trait. You can't have real problems when you aren't real people so all we get is cheating storylines and miscommunication.

AND ANOTHER THING -- what the heck happened to enemies to lovers? Can't they commit a little harder without folding so soon? I don't want him to love her as soon as he sees her, I want him to love her when he's ready to love and "sees" her, sees who she really is. Maybe women need to start yearning again and loving again and stop having men in romances just for storyline smut without any real personalities or relationships.

So in conclusion, the real love has been drained from romcoms because people don't feel real anymore but also because the world as a whole has lost the colours of romance.

You know what pisses me off? I'm smart. I'm really really smart. I could be doing so much more and it frustrates me. I look at the grades I got and then I look at the courses I didn’t even think to apply for and I realise 9/10 times that I would have been accepted because I am smart and screw everyone who made me feel otherwise. I felt like I wasn't smart enough for what they wanted to I aimed lower and lower and lower and chose what I did for the money. But damn it I'm smart and I want to be smart and I wanted a career I would have been proud of and a life that would have mattered and a degree that challenged me. Now I'm stuck and broke in a shit degree a year later than I should have done it and a regret that will last me a lifetime. I could have been a scientist. I wish it paid more. I wish I could have cared less.

I've always done my own thing in terms of my interests and it didn't matter who else like it. But recently I do want to know what everyone is talking about and I do want to be included in society as a whole. My interests aren't super niche but I just don't like a lot of things most people my age seem to care about and talk about. I never get left out but I'm still on the outside...I want to like the things other people like without being judged. I'm not abandoning my own self, just expanding my circle of interests.

My learning style has for the most part stayed the same but while making this website I've realised I absolutely despise learning practical things through theory. I tried learning html through w3school and got bored, learnt css through neocities' learn section and just winged js from a couple of blogs when I couldn't find the code I wanted. In school I was all theory first, practice later but now I really just need to get my hands in it sometimes. I think my younger self would have their mind blown.

There are so many different things I want to try. Being a mentor, doing an international challenge, this part-time job but I really don't have time to do it all right now. I'm worried about my finances but mainly worried about dealing with a greater workload. I don't know if I can juggle all these things at the same time.